Posted in
cheating,
clever,
con artist,
high school,
homework,
lazy,
procrastination,
scheme,
slacking,
stupid
A continuation of the "Misadventures of High School" theme started in an earlier post.
The Poster Incident
I am an active person. Fitness is very important to me, and I love exercise. Not so much lifting weights or running long distances, but swimming and racquetball can be invigorating. And a tough climb up a steep mountain, surrounded by fresh air and brilliant scenery, fills me with life. I like the challenge, and I like the activity, but I don't like wasting all that energy on something as meaningless as homework.
Regarding school, slacking has always been a religion to me. Some teachers and students tell me I'm lazy, but I reply "No, I'm energy efficient." Or at least I would say that, if it didn't require so much effort.
So, because I was bored by assignments and school work (wanting to point my time and energy toward more meaningful pursuits) I did everything I could to delay or minimize work. And being the future econ-major that I was, I automatically began maximizing output while minimizing input. Like sharing homework with others, copying work, and fabrication. And though I never once plagiarized - I, at times, would re-write things into my own words.
So with luck and sometimes cleverness, I managed to get good grades and high exam scores despite reading no books and doing almost no homework.
The down side was the creation of many last-minute all-nighters, filled with a few stressful hours every quarter with which to do the bare essentials. But I always managed this just fine ... until 10th grade.
It was the last night before the end of the quarter and I had piles of chemistry and math assignments looming over me. As I struggled to B.S. my way through them, copying out of the book whenever possible and creatively scribbling busy-work to imitate actual work, I saw the hours disappearing faster than normal.
Above all, I wanted to go to bed. My eyes were burning and I knew the next day was going to be horrible. But after finishing the last of my math and chemistry, I knew I couldn't go to bed yet. Because I had a "country report" due in Spanish the next day, and if I began work on that there was no way I'd be able to get any sleep that night. As it was - I only had a few hours until dawn.
So I immediately considered my situation.
1. I want to sleep.
2. I have to finish this assignment, it's due tomorrow. It's my turn to present. And it's half my grade.
So if I fail to present that would mean a failing grade ... not acceptable. But, if I didn't get any sleep that night ... who knows, maybe I'd be so drowsy the next day I'd cross the street without looking and die a horrible death. That would be worse.
So isn't a failing grade a small price to pay to preserve my life?
This logic began making sense at 4:30am.
But I wasn't quite good enough. If I didn't pass this quarter, I'd have to retake it. And it could hurt my GPA, which might hurt my future at Harvard or Stanford or MIT. (All of which would naturally consider themselves lucky to get me).
So how could I avoid presenting without losing any credit? Simple, I'd need an excuse.
"I was sick." No that's too cliche. Besides my mom wouldn't sign the note - I never get sick, so the timing would be too convenient. I could forge the note ... but I don't think my teacher will go for it. Besides I have to go to school to turn in my chem and math, and if the teacher sees me in the halls, like she usually does, I'm screwed. Unless I feign throwing up before her class and have to go home ... that might work ... But again, too convenient. Besides, I haven't thrown up in years and years.
"My dog ate it." No, that's too stupid. Who thought of this anyway? And who fell for it?
"I forgot it." Hmm... this has potential. But I don't think it'll fly. Forgetting it implies that it wasn't done at all. And isn't a valid enough excuse. Besides the teacher would be expecting something like this.
So what excuse could I give that would give me another day, not lose me any credit, and take the teacher by surprise enough to be believable? Use the shock factor to my advantage.
"My friend died. "No that's out of bounds, even for me. Besides it'd be too easy to disprove. And yeah, that's just too low."
Then I thought of it. And went to bed.
The next day I packed my stuff for school. With some fresh sleep (though not much) and I began seeing holes in my "fool-proof" plan. But ... too late now. So I stuck with it, hoping its uniqueness might be enough to make it work. So I stayed calm, and changed the subject. Now planning how I was going to slip my math and chemistry assignments into the basket without being seen, so as to avoid receiving minus points for turning it in late. (Note: If you do this, always put it in the middle of the pile. Never the top and never the bottom.)
Eventually I arrived at Spanish class. I took my usual seat. And as usual I pulled out a notebook and doodled, completely bored by the whole environment. Unlike all my other classes, I didn't have any close friends - and most people in here were completely stupid - so I preferred to be left alone.
After half an hour of gibberish, the teacher called on me to present my report on ... Argentina, I think it was.
"Of course," I said. And I stood up and went to the front of the room. I began unpacking my bag, pulling out various notes and notebooks, pretending they were somehow involved in this presentation. After making a show of this, I finally grabbed my poster board, which was rolled up into a cylinder held together by a rubber band--backside facing out.
I steeled myself, letting my anxiety keep my laughter at bay, and I made the straightest face I could. Without a feeling of forced calm, I plucked off the rubber band and unrolled the poster board in front of everyone. Then, with a display of theatre worthy of Hollywood, I pretended to be in shock.
"Oh no! How can this be? I was up so late working on it ... in my tiredness this morning I must have packed the wrong poster board by mistake! I can't believe I would do this! I'm so stupid!"
After my monologue I waited in silence, taking in the teacher's reaction.
My head spun circles. Was I actually doing this? I must look like a real moron now. But that's okay, so long as the teacher is enough of a moron to believe me...
"Okay ... fine. Present on Monday." She said. She bought it! I could tell from her eyes that she believed me completely.
So with a smile I sat back down, trying to hide my surprise that my retarded plan had worked. I'd dodged another bullet.
The Poster Incident
I am an active person. Fitness is very important to me, and I love exercise. Not so much lifting weights or running long distances, but swimming and racquetball can be invigorating. And a tough climb up a steep mountain, surrounded by fresh air and brilliant scenery, fills me with life. I like the challenge, and I like the activity, but I don't like wasting all that energy on something as meaningless as homework.
Regarding school, slacking has always been a religion to me. Some teachers and students tell me I'm lazy, but I reply "No, I'm energy efficient." Or at least I would say that, if it didn't require so much effort.
So, because I was bored by assignments and school work (wanting to point my time and energy toward more meaningful pursuits) I did everything I could to delay or minimize work. And being the future econ-major that I was, I automatically began maximizing output while minimizing input. Like sharing homework with others, copying work, and fabrication. And though I never once plagiarized - I, at times, would re-write things into my own words.
So with luck and sometimes cleverness, I managed to get good grades and high exam scores despite reading no books and doing almost no homework.
The down side was the creation of many last-minute all-nighters, filled with a few stressful hours every quarter with which to do the bare essentials. But I always managed this just fine ... until 10th grade.
It was the last night before the end of the quarter and I had piles of chemistry and math assignments looming over me. As I struggled to B.S. my way through them, copying out of the book whenever possible and creatively scribbling busy-work to imitate actual work, I saw the hours disappearing faster than normal.
Above all, I wanted to go to bed. My eyes were burning and I knew the next day was going to be horrible. But after finishing the last of my math and chemistry, I knew I couldn't go to bed yet. Because I had a "country report" due in Spanish the next day, and if I began work on that there was no way I'd be able to get any sleep that night. As it was - I only had a few hours until dawn.
So I immediately considered my situation.
1. I want to sleep.
2. I have to finish this assignment, it's due tomorrow. It's my turn to present. And it's half my grade.
So if I fail to present that would mean a failing grade ... not acceptable. But, if I didn't get any sleep that night ... who knows, maybe I'd be so drowsy the next day I'd cross the street without looking and die a horrible death. That would be worse.
So isn't a failing grade a small price to pay to preserve my life?
This logic began making sense at 4:30am.
But I wasn't quite good enough. If I didn't pass this quarter, I'd have to retake it. And it could hurt my GPA, which might hurt my future at Harvard or Stanford or MIT. (All of which would naturally consider themselves lucky to get me).
So how could I avoid presenting without losing any credit? Simple, I'd need an excuse.
"I was sick." No that's too cliche. Besides my mom wouldn't sign the note - I never get sick, so the timing would be too convenient. I could forge the note ... but I don't think my teacher will go for it. Besides I have to go to school to turn in my chem and math, and if the teacher sees me in the halls, like she usually does, I'm screwed. Unless I feign throwing up before her class and have to go home ... that might work ... But again, too convenient. Besides, I haven't thrown up in years and years.
"My dog ate it." No, that's too stupid. Who thought of this anyway? And who fell for it?
"I forgot it." Hmm... this has potential. But I don't think it'll fly. Forgetting it implies that it wasn't done at all. And isn't a valid enough excuse. Besides the teacher would be expecting something like this.
So what excuse could I give that would give me another day, not lose me any credit, and take the teacher by surprise enough to be believable? Use the shock factor to my advantage.
"My friend died. "No that's out of bounds, even for me. Besides it'd be too easy to disprove. And yeah, that's just too low."
Then I thought of it. And went to bed.
The next day I packed my stuff for school. With some fresh sleep (though not much) and I began seeing holes in my "fool-proof" plan. But ... too late now. So I stuck with it, hoping its uniqueness might be enough to make it work. So I stayed calm, and changed the subject. Now planning how I was going to slip my math and chemistry assignments into the basket without being seen, so as to avoid receiving minus points for turning it in late. (Note: If you do this, always put it in the middle of the pile. Never the top and never the bottom.)
Eventually I arrived at Spanish class. I took my usual seat. And as usual I pulled out a notebook and doodled, completely bored by the whole environment. Unlike all my other classes, I didn't have any close friends - and most people in here were completely stupid - so I preferred to be left alone.
After half an hour of gibberish, the teacher called on me to present my report on ... Argentina, I think it was.
"Of course," I said. And I stood up and went to the front of the room. I began unpacking my bag, pulling out various notes and notebooks, pretending they were somehow involved in this presentation. After making a show of this, I finally grabbed my poster board, which was rolled up into a cylinder held together by a rubber band--backside facing out.
I steeled myself, letting my anxiety keep my laughter at bay, and I made the straightest face I could. Without a feeling of forced calm, I plucked off the rubber band and unrolled the poster board in front of everyone. Then, with a display of theatre worthy of Hollywood, I pretended to be in shock.
"Oh no! How can this be? I was up so late working on it ... in my tiredness this morning I must have packed the wrong poster board by mistake! I can't believe I would do this! I'm so stupid!"
After my monologue I waited in silence, taking in the teacher's reaction.
My head spun circles. Was I actually doing this? I must look like a real moron now. But that's okay, so long as the teacher is enough of a moron to believe me...
"Okay ... fine. Present on Monday." She said. She bought it! I could tell from her eyes that she believed me completely.
So with a smile I sat back down, trying to hide my surprise that my retarded plan had worked. I'd dodged another bullet.
