Posted in
This isn't enough of a post to warrant the full "Episode" treatment, but it's still kind of an amusing set of mini-stories regarding my life as a high school noob.
At some point, a Wendy's and a Carl's Junior opened up right next to each other, fairly near the high school. This was a big deal to those of us with cars who bailed on the school cafeteria every day to hit up some real food. The problem was, my friends and I couldn't agree on Carl's or Wendy's. On the side of the creepy, red-headed girl was Pablo, Josh, and quite a few others.
Versus Matt and me, who preferred the happy star's wider selection of sandwiches.
"Eating at Carl's is like sapping years of your life away, it's so bad for you."
"And Wendy's is supposed to be better?"
"You can get a baked potato there!"
"Ooooh a baked potato. That sounds great. (Can you think of a more boring dine-out food? Yeah guys, let's go out and celebrate ... by eating baked potatoes...) Or I could have one of twelve kinds of sandwiches instead of just varying the number of patties which are--for some reason--square, even though the buns are round, can you say retarded?"
"Carl's doesn't have 1 dollar frosties. Just $3.00 malts."
"Which have actual malt in them and they taste a lot better. Quality over quantity."
"Come on, let's go to Wendy's."
"Yay... I can't wait. Here's a jinge: I've got a Biggie Shake and a Biggie "Burger", who could ask for anything more?"
So old-fashioned they predate the invention of the circle.
Because I was driving, we went to Carl's 99% of the time. But on a few occassions we went to Wendy's, mostly for their cheap chicken nuggets. But when it came to 99 cent spicy chickens, the Carl's sandwich beats the crap out of the Wendy's, which is smaller and less tasty. And now a commercial ... If you want an awesome chicken sandwich from Carl's, order the 99 cent spicy chicken, then substitute out the Mayo for Santa Fe sauce and ask them to add jalapenos, which they do free of charge. And voila! You have the delicious jalapeno-spicy that my friends and I invented. (I'm serious it's really, really good.)
Back to my story. Pablo, one day, mentioned how at Wendy's you can customize your burger more than you can at Carl's, intrigued ... I set about to prove this. At the drive thru Matt and I decided to order the most ridiculous sandwich we could. One with extra cheese and pickles, oh and don't forget the six beef patties and four chicken patties. Yes, a nasty mixed beef and chicken patty sandwich with an absurd number of patties. And, to their credit, the Wendy's was willing to make it and sell it to us. We didn't want it, though, because that would be a terrible sandwich. That and it was over $10.
Which reminds me of another time we went to Wendy's. Not much to this story, it's really stupid. But one day we were driving around, my friends and I, and we got some of those crappy $5 pizzas from Little Ceasars. Yeah, the kind they don't know how to cut into slices it was messy and I remarked "I wish we'd gotten some napkins." Wendy's was in sight and my friends suggested we get napkins from there.
"What are we going to order to get some napkins?"
"Why not just ask for napkins?"
"And not order anything?"
"What do they care? They only make $6 an hour."
So we pulled into the drive-thru.
"Hello, welcome to Wendy's would you like to try our (whatever product they were hawking)."
"No thanks," then a pause as we "thought about" our order. "We'd like some napkins please."
"Okay and what else?"
"That's all."
"Ok...."
And then the really stupid part. Somehow between the marquee and the window we got the bone-headed idea to confuse the wendy's employee. So when he opened the window to hand us the napkins we refused to take them, insisting "We don't want any!" And then peeling out.
Yep ... we were idiots.
At some point, a Wendy's and a Carl's Junior opened up right next to each other, fairly near the high school. This was a big deal to those of us with cars who bailed on the school cafeteria every day to hit up some real food. The problem was, my friends and I couldn't agree on Carl's or Wendy's. On the side of the creepy, red-headed girl was Pablo, Josh, and quite a few others.
Versus Matt and me, who preferred the happy star's wider selection of sandwiches.
"Eating at Carl's is like sapping years of your life away, it's so bad for you."
"And Wendy's is supposed to be better?"
"You can get a baked potato there!"
"Ooooh a baked potato. That sounds great. (Can you think of a more boring dine-out food? Yeah guys, let's go out and celebrate ... by eating baked potatoes...) Or I could have one of twelve kinds of sandwiches instead of just varying the number of patties which are--for some reason--square, even though the buns are round, can you say retarded?"
"Carl's doesn't have 1 dollar frosties. Just $3.00 malts."
"Which have actual malt in them and they taste a lot better. Quality over quantity."
"Come on, let's go to Wendy's."
"Yay... I can't wait. Here's a jinge: I've got a Biggie Shake and a Biggie "Burger", who could ask for anything more?"
So old-fashioned they predate the invention of the circle.
Because I was driving, we went to Carl's 99% of the time. But on a few occassions we went to Wendy's, mostly for their cheap chicken nuggets. But when it came to 99 cent spicy chickens, the Carl's sandwich beats the crap out of the Wendy's, which is smaller and less tasty. And now a commercial ... If you want an awesome chicken sandwich from Carl's, order the 99 cent spicy chicken, then substitute out the Mayo for Santa Fe sauce and ask them to add jalapenos, which they do free of charge. And voila! You have the delicious jalapeno-spicy that my friends and I invented. (I'm serious it's really, really good.)
Back to my story. Pablo, one day, mentioned how at Wendy's you can customize your burger more than you can at Carl's, intrigued ... I set about to prove this. At the drive thru Matt and I decided to order the most ridiculous sandwich we could. One with extra cheese and pickles, oh and don't forget the six beef patties and four chicken patties. Yes, a nasty mixed beef and chicken patty sandwich with an absurd number of patties. And, to their credit, the Wendy's was willing to make it and sell it to us. We didn't want it, though, because that would be a terrible sandwich. That and it was over $10.
Which reminds me of another time we went to Wendy's. Not much to this story, it's really stupid. But one day we were driving around, my friends and I, and we got some of those crappy $5 pizzas from Little Ceasars. Yeah, the kind they don't know how to cut into slices it was messy and I remarked "I wish we'd gotten some napkins." Wendy's was in sight and my friends suggested we get napkins from there.
"What are we going to order to get some napkins?"
"Why not just ask for napkins?"
"And not order anything?"
"What do they care? They only make $6 an hour."
So we pulled into the drive-thru.
"Hello, welcome to Wendy's would you like to try our (whatever product they were hawking)."
"No thanks," then a pause as we "thought about" our order. "We'd like some napkins please."
"Okay and what else?"
"That's all."
"Ok...."
And then the really stupid part. Somehow between the marquee and the window we got the bone-headed idea to confuse the wendy's employee. So when he opened the window to hand us the napkins we refused to take them, insisting "We don't want any!" And then peeling out.
Yep ... we were idiots.
