Posted in
atari,
being a bad friend,
commander keen,
humorous,
misadventure,
piracy
Episode 13: The Young, Keen Pirate
I was talking with someone the other day about old classic games we used to play as kids. He'd been sucked into Mario, like most kids of my generation, and Sonic, and other console games. While I was stuck playing a retro 70's atari--which I still contend is more fun than your crappy nintendo.
And yes, it really was from the 70's. How it fell into the hands of my non-video-gaming parents remains a mystery, but as a kid--for like a couple hours a year--I was able to get pulled into the magical worlds of Maze Craze, Donkey Kong (back when the monkey was actually the bad guy), Pele Soccer, and--of course-Pitfall. I remember scouring D.I. for Atari games that could be bought for nickels.
So while you were stomping on turtles and getting sucked into green toilet tubes, I was playing games no one knew about. And, I'm not going to lie... it was pretty incredible.
Alas, tragically, my Atari days ended with the death of our beloved Atari. The cause of death remains unknown, but we think it was complications due to old age--that it passed away due to natural causes.
So, for a time, I was video-game-less. And I spent almost all of my free-time playing basketball outside. (After earning a hoop by shoveling manure--a story for another day).
Basketball continued to be my favorite passtime for years, even after I got a computer, but it eventually faded as I got older and sucked more and more at it. But the computer... that never died. Especially when it gave me a new game.
Command Keen
(If I remember correctly, I discovered the first game Keen 1 at the store and it looked interesting so I got it for my Mom for Christmas... yeah... my motives are kinda transparent there. As you can tell from the picture below, it's just the sort of thing moms can't resist.)
So ... you've never heard of Commander Keen. Well, I'll give you the short version.
It's an epic, old-school, side-scrolling adventure game about an albino kid from Wisconsin who builds a spaceship out of a vacuum cleaner and battles aliens with a ray gun and a pogo-stick.
And while these enemies come in all shapes and sizes, the most fearsome of these is the blue dog who know karate. That's the gist of it. It's a pretty sophisticated game. Far too deep and advanced for your average mario player (a game devoted to getting high on mushrooms).
Basically, in the words of Bill and Ted, Commander Keen could be accurately described as... A MOST EXCELLENT ADVENTURE!!!!
One that some of my friends wanted to share. And no one more so than Matt Lehmitz who I'd known since kindergarten.
He's a smart kid from a great family, and many of my best childhood memories are at their old house in West Jordan. I remember so many stories and misadventures with Matt and his brothers that I could go on and on. (For instance the time I convinced Matt to go door to door in magna attempting to sell rocks from my driveway--story for another day).
But there was one thing about these Lehmitz boys that always made me jealous as a kid.... They got an allowance and I didn't... I'm talking about dough, greenbacks, bread, benjamins, you know ... cold hard cash.
Because of this fact, I knew Matt had some money.
At some point my brother Rob acquired all 7 Commander Keen games (including Keen Dreams) for free. I don't know how or where he got them, probably the internet, but they were ours. And we could play them for free whenever we wanted.
I made some copies on 3 inch floppy drives (the hard plastic kind) and the games were stretched over a series of many, many discs, held together by several rubber bands.
One day I brought these discs to the Lehmitz house and played them on their computer. Matt watched with envy as I made Keen jump around on his pogo-stick, zapping every alien I could find... searching for the keys (which looked strangely like gemstones).
"I want these games!" Matt said. (He'd downloaded the demo to Keen 4 previously, so he knew what they were all about.) "I really want them."
"Well..." I said, I'm sure a mischievous look spread across my face. "That can be arranged." I decided then and there that I could make a profit.
And so I proceeded to negotiate with him and a deal was made. I used every high-pressure sales tactic I knew (not sure where I'd picked them up) and, despite bartering, I got all $40 that I'd requested. Upon handing me the cash I handed him the bundle of discs. Keen was now his.
But, honestly ... I ripped him off.
I could have just given him the discs outright, and probably should have. (I had backups at home and Rob knew where to download the games.) So why make Matt bleed for them? I mean what are friends for? Squeezing money out of you? Apparently so....
I don't remember what I blew the $40 on... but, at the time, I was proud of my newfound wealth. And my cunning.
So yes, technically, at a young age. I was guilty of pirating software and selling it illegally.
Pois e'
I was talking with someone the other day about old classic games we used to play as kids. He'd been sucked into Mario, like most kids of my generation, and Sonic, and other console games. While I was stuck playing a retro 70's atari--which I still contend is more fun than your crappy nintendo.
And yes, it really was from the 70's. How it fell into the hands of my non-video-gaming parents remains a mystery, but as a kid--for like a couple hours a year--I was able to get pulled into the magical worlds of Maze Craze, Donkey Kong (back when the monkey was actually the bad guy), Pele Soccer, and--of course-Pitfall. I remember scouring D.I. for Atari games that could be bought for nickels.
So while you were stomping on turtles and getting sucked into green toilet tubes, I was playing games no one knew about. And, I'm not going to lie... it was pretty incredible.
Alas, tragically, my Atari days ended with the death of our beloved Atari. The cause of death remains unknown, but we think it was complications due to old age--that it passed away due to natural causes.
So, for a time, I was video-game-less. And I spent almost all of my free-time playing basketball outside. (After earning a hoop by shoveling manure--a story for another day).
Basketball continued to be my favorite passtime for years, even after I got a computer, but it eventually faded as I got older and sucked more and more at it. But the computer... that never died. Especially when it gave me a new game.
Command Keen
(If I remember correctly, I discovered the first game Keen 1 at the store and it looked interesting so I got it for my Mom for Christmas... yeah... my motives are kinda transparent there. As you can tell from the picture below, it's just the sort of thing moms can't resist.)
So ... you've never heard of Commander Keen. Well, I'll give you the short version.
It's an epic, old-school, side-scrolling adventure game about an albino kid from Wisconsin who builds a spaceship out of a vacuum cleaner and battles aliens with a ray gun and a pogo-stick.
And while these enemies come in all shapes and sizes, the most fearsome of these is the blue dog who know karate. That's the gist of it. It's a pretty sophisticated game. Far too deep and advanced for your average mario player (a game devoted to getting high on mushrooms).
Basically, in the words of Bill and Ted, Commander Keen could be accurately described as... A MOST EXCELLENT ADVENTURE!!!!
One that some of my friends wanted to share. And no one more so than Matt Lehmitz who I'd known since kindergarten.
He's a smart kid from a great family, and many of my best childhood memories are at their old house in West Jordan. I remember so many stories and misadventures with Matt and his brothers that I could go on and on. (For instance the time I convinced Matt to go door to door in magna attempting to sell rocks from my driveway--story for another day).
But there was one thing about these Lehmitz boys that always made me jealous as a kid.... They got an allowance and I didn't... I'm talking about dough, greenbacks, bread, benjamins, you know ... cold hard cash.
Because of this fact, I knew Matt had some money.
At some point my brother Rob acquired all 7 Commander Keen games (including Keen Dreams) for free. I don't know how or where he got them, probably the internet, but they were ours. And we could play them for free whenever we wanted.
I made some copies on 3 inch floppy drives (the hard plastic kind) and the games were stretched over a series of many, many discs, held together by several rubber bands.
One day I brought these discs to the Lehmitz house and played them on their computer. Matt watched with envy as I made Keen jump around on his pogo-stick, zapping every alien I could find... searching for the keys (which looked strangely like gemstones).
"I want these games!" Matt said. (He'd downloaded the demo to Keen 4 previously, so he knew what they were all about.) "I really want them."
"Well..." I said, I'm sure a mischievous look spread across my face. "That can be arranged." I decided then and there that I could make a profit.
And so I proceeded to negotiate with him and a deal was made. I used every high-pressure sales tactic I knew (not sure where I'd picked them up) and, despite bartering, I got all $40 that I'd requested. Upon handing me the cash I handed him the bundle of discs. Keen was now his.
But, honestly ... I ripped him off.
I could have just given him the discs outright, and probably should have. (I had backups at home and Rob knew where to download the games.) So why make Matt bleed for them? I mean what are friends for? Squeezing money out of you? Apparently so....
I don't remember what I blew the $40 on... but, at the time, I was proud of my newfound wealth. And my cunning.
So yes, technically, at a young age. I was guilty of pirating software and selling it illegally.
Pois e'
